Settle: Because You’re Worth It

“Don’t settle” we’re often told. “You’re worth more than that” being the undertone.  Whether it be at work or in our personal lives, “settling” is frequently framed as getting less than what we want; giving in, or worse, giving up.

So it’s no surprise that the same feelings come up in disputes.  “Settlement” can often be viewed as a weakness; an unhappy place where each side gives something up – a no man’s land of compromises and concessions. 

Yet the word “settlement” also means a home; it is a place where a community feels safe to reside, collaborate and grow.  Whether or not everyone in the village agrees.

“Settling” also means relaxing into a comfortable position.  Again, positive. 

So why is “settlement” perceived negatively in disputes? When negotiating a settlement, it’s easy to view it in terms of the concessions we are making because we have already taken mental ownership of what we are claiming is ours, and are anchored to what we have already spent.  We often overlook what we gain, especially time and opportunity, because they are more difficult to quantify than money.

Perhaps we need to reframe and refocus our approach to disputes to get comfortable with the true potential of settling.  In many ways that potential exists in the neutral space of no man’s land – and in dispute resolution terms, mediation offers that neutral forum for parties to reach agreement.  If agreement is reached, the anchor is lifted, and the parties can move forward, whether separately or together, but each looking at future opportunities rather than past disagreements.   The earlier you can do this, the better.