Difficult Conversations…

When should you consider having a difficult conversation?

Ever experienced that sinking feeling where your body and mind go, "I can't deal with that conversation today"? It's often a tell-tale sign that a difficult conversation is needed.

So, what exactly is a 'difficult conversation'? Simply put, it's anything that feels challenging or uncomfortable to engage in and talk about.

And why is it so tough? Typically, it involves addressing a disagreement or conflict and unaligned expectations. Disagreements stem from differences. Whether these differences matter to us depends on what's at stake. Sometimes, even seemingly minor conflicts can feel significant. So we’re faced with having to deal with opposing views and that can feel uncomfortable for many of us.

It's not just about the content of the conversation; context plays a crucial role in shaping our perceptions and feelings about our opposing views.

Consider this everyday scenario: you’re meeting a friend, and they show up 20 minutes late. It seems straightforward.  Only your reaction will be influenced by various factors like the value you place on punctuality, whether this lateness is habitual, and if you were given a heads-up.  That’s all before you get to the actual reasons of why your friend was late (this time).

Let’s say your friend apologises, and you decides to let it go without addressing the lateness issues. Is that the best approach? It depends on how you feel.

If you’re still frustrated, you’ve just swept a necessary conversation under the carpet, allowing the problem to persist. And (here’s the kicker) that’s your choice. So if there are even bigger issues down the line, let’s say the relationship becomes more strained, you’re going to need to acknowledge your own contribution to that situation.

When something – however small – matters to you and it feels challenging to address, it's time to consider having a difficult conversation. Feeling concerned about the other person's reaction or anxious about how you'll be perceived shouldn't deter you from engaging. Instead, these concerns should guide how you approach the conversation.

Initiating the conversation doesn't mean that the other person will share your views, it ensures they understand your perspective. By voicing your concerns earlier, you address any any internal conflict about raising the issue and reduce the risk of the situation escalating with one caveat. 

How you raise it matters.  Yours isn’t the only story relevant to the conversation. You need to be ready to listen (that’s properly listen) to the other person with empathy and understanding.  It’s a two way street and there will be different perspectives.  Get it right and you’ll find yourself in a learning conversation – get there and the path to resolution is much easier.